[Moo] Safety Warning for Those Attempting to Cook a Phoenix

[Laurie Clarkston]

My Dear Sir,

Although it is nice of you to provide this safety warning for those attempting 
to cook phoenix, I am sure if you re-check your facts you just might find that 
these are words that Sacred Stone uses to keep people from hunting their 
"special bird".

Please recheck your facts and remember, never let the truth stand in the way of 
a good story..!  I might just add it to the cook booklet........hint, hint.

Cairistiona

 



________________________________
From: William de Mont d'Or <mondor.winchester at gmail.com>
To: General Mailing List for the Barony of Stierbach <moo at lists.stierbach.org>
Sent: Mon, August 30, 2010 3:59:18 PM
Subject: [Moo] Safety Warning for Those Attempting to Cook a Phoenix

I would like to thank those  worthies who have submitted recipes on
the proper preparation of a phoenix for the diner table.  I look
forward to trying each of the recipes and enjoying the tough old bird
cooked to perfection with these very tempting cooking suggestions.
While the delight of eating a properly prepared phoenix is next to
imposable to surpass, it is worth remembering that cooking a phoenix
is not without its hazards.  Please keep in mind these two cautions if
you wish to have an enjoyable meal and avoid disaster.

Primus. The phoenix is, by its nature, a very flammable bird.  Even
the lightest brush with an open flame will tend to send the entire
bird up in a hot flaming mass of exploding meat, gristle, and hot fat.
It has been described to me, by those who should know of such things,
as something akin to touching a dry torch soaked in naphtha and then
rolled in the powder used in gonnes to the flame.  At the least, the
cook will be embarrassed due to a lack of a meat dish (and perhaps
eyebrows), and it could also lead to a serious or painful injury.
Though if one is tired of their current dwelling, incineration by
phoenix is generally considered a satisfactory excuse for building a
new abode, or kitchen.

Secundus.  The phoenix is a difficult bird to prepare for cooking.
The trials and tribulations in catching, dispatching, plucking, and
cleaning the creature are well known and do not need to be gone over
again here.  One item often overlooked by the cook, nigh to exhaustion
from the aforementioned dispatching, plucking, and cleaning, is the
need to keep the phoenix away from the coals and ashes of the fire.
While everyone knows what happens if a cooked phoenix is placed in
ashes, it can come as an unpleasant surprise to the cook who has spent
hours preparing, seasoning, and cooking the bird only to have it
spring whole again from the ashes and to have to start the process
over once again.

So please keep these in mind when preparing your phoenix.

William de Mont d'Or
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